Where Do Unfelt Feelings Go?

 

It’s time for bed and your head hits the pillow but your mind is whirring. You are jittery with sensations that are nebulous and unsettling. Sleep eludes you and you have to be up early and now your restless state is further compounded by the anxiety of not getting enough rest. You try to clear your mind but parts of the day surface in a haze of frustration. What a day. On your way to work someone cut you off in the traffic without indicating and almost caused an accident. You hadn’t put the clothes from the wash in the dryer so the shirt you were going to wear was wet and the collar on the one you wore is scratchy. By the time you got to the store to pick up some lunch they had sold out of what you wanted. Despite telling your child repeatedly to put their computer game down and finish their homework they ignored you. Your partner forgot to tell you that they would be home late and you are annoyed.

All of this has been suppressed in the cycle of getting through the day and here you are. Unable to rest, feeling out of sorts.

It’s easy to link the feelings with the experiences and create a map for why you feel this way. But this can also become a way to externalise and blame where the source of the feelings comes from without doing anything about the feelings that are yours alone. Your responsibility.

We can’t think our way out of feelings. We need to feel our way out of them to come to some capacity of being with ourselves.

The Felt Sense

Take some unplugged time. Close your bedroom door, turn off your phone. No TV, no music, no distractions. Just sit with yourself and close your eyes. Let your controlling mind take a back seat. Breathe.

Allowing space for unfelt feelings to surface provides insights into your true needs.

When a feeling is expressed without linking it to a clear need it can feel unstable, like a storm in your body, leaving you feeling vulnerable. This is why people are reluctant to share their feelings. When a feeling is identified with a corresponding need it stabilises your sense of self, feeling vulnerable and empowered.

If left untended, unfelt feelings compound and reactions to seemingly small inconveniences are disproportionate as the weight of unexpressed feelings become fuel. If left for too long, they can become hard set into moods or unhealthy projections that diminish our capacity to flourish and be in the moment.

Book a date with your felt sense – your true self will thank you for it.